


A spoonful of sugar

by statuscrows



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Minor Violence, Sibling Incest, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 07:48:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statuscrows/pseuds/statuscrows
Summary: Killua runs away from home. Or at least he tries to.





	A spoonful of sugar

It's pure coincidence that Illumi comes home early.

His client had called him to cancel less than an hour after he'd left home, when he was already in an airship headed for the city, which means he now has an entire week of unexpected free time. Or at least he'd assumed he now had an entire week of unexpected free time.

But, because he arrives home so much earlier than he's supposed to, he's right behind the Testing Gate when Killua comes barreling through it that same morning. He crashes straight into Illumi, skateboard in hand.

"Hey, watch where you're—" Killua starts to say. And then he realizes who he's run into.

Killua blinks.

Illumi stares down at him.

The heavy gate swings shut behind Killua, forcing him to take a few steps forward. It's Tuesday morning which means that he should be in the middle of training with Milluki, not standing anywhere near the gate. Illumi looks down a second before Killua thinks to hide his blood-stained hands behind his back. Killua stares, wide eyed and silent. His body screams of his guilt.

In Illumi's pocket his communicator goes off. Their mother's voice cuts into the tense silence. " _Illu! Killua ran off and he cut up my face too! Oh, it was wonderful! So cruel and clever of him to target my vanity!"_

Killua starts to step away as another voice cuts in. _"Mama! Tell Illu-nii he needs to come get him!"_

 _"Can you believe he stabbed Milluki too? But you need to do something Illu. What kind of things is he going to get up to out the-_ "

He switches the communicator off. Killua swallows.

"You weren't supposed to be here," Killua finally says. Fear and disappoint make his voice small. His gaze shifts down to his feet.

"Guess that makes two of us," Illumi says.

 

 

 

"Cattle prod or flaying knife?" Illumi asks, holding up both tools so Killua can see them. The straps anchoring him to the table don't give him the mobility to move his neck, so Illumi has to bring them up to him.

Killua doesn't bother looking. "Cattle prod."

"Good choice," Illumi says. He puts down the knife and switches on the prod. He runs a finger through the current to make sure the setting is high enough before he gets to work. "You know Mom is really proud of you and I have to say I am too. Your planning was good and you really did a number on her face. If you didn't have such bad luck you might've gotten away."

"Yay for me."

Illumi shrugs. "Yay for you. Unfortunately you're never going to have a chance to try that again. Nails or car battery?"

"Car battery."

Illumi picks up the nails and a hammer. "Never let an enemy know your preferences Kil. Actually just don't have preferences in the first place. If you want things then they can be taken from you and used against you. Great advice for torture and for life in general. Keep your fingers still if you don't mind."

"You're full of useful advice today."

"I know that was sarcasm but you're absolutely right, thanks. Where were you planning to go?"

Killua stays quiet.

"Sorry, but the correct answer wasn't defiant silence. You might as well tell me, this isn't an interrogation. No matter what you say this won't stop."

"I didn't have a plan. I was just trying to get away."

"Lying also isn't the correct answer. Blowtorch or needles?"

Killua doesn't quite manage to hide his flinch. "I was going to take the Hunter Exam."

"Good to know. Blowtorch or needles?"

"...blowtorch."

"Needles it is," Illumi says. "That wasn't a bad idea either. Hunters have a pretty easy time earning money and you could potentially travel a lot. But you already know that you aren't meant to be a Hunter, don't you?"

Killua makes a small choking noise in the back of his throat.

"Let me know if you're going to throw up. That's always really tough to clean up in here," Illumi says, pulling out another handful of needles. "Why did you run away?"

"Wh-why did I run away?" Killua asks with a laugh. "Why do you do think?"

"If I knew I wouldn't be asking."

"You're...you." Killua pants. "Dumbass..."

His body goes slack; unconscious already.

Illumi frowns and sends a small burst of nen into his needles. Killua startles awake with a shout.

"Wow, someone's been neglecting their training."

"Am not. You-you just bored me to sleep."

"Let's not do that again then. Why did you run away?"

Killua shakes his strapped down head. "No point in explaining. You wouldn't get it."

Illumi sighs. "Suit yourself. Obviously you're grounded for now so I'm going to leave you to think of a better answer to that, okay? Now, would you prefer to sleep in the iron maiden or keep my needles in for the rest of the night?"

"I don't care."

"There we go!" He pats Killua on the head. "That's the idea."

 

 

Milluki is right outside waiting for him when he exits the cell. He's bracing an arm across his chest and leaning against the stone wall. "When do I get to have a turn?" he asks impatiently.

"Don't worry. I'm taking care of it."

"I'm the one he stabbed." Milluki gestures at his wounds. "I deserve a chance to teach him a lesson too!"

"The lesson is being taught. You don't need to worry."

"Yeah? How do you know he won't just run away again?"

The heavy steel of the dungeon door dents under Illumi's fingers and the entire thing falls out of its hinges with an ear-splitting screech. "Because I'm never going to let him out of my sight again! _That's_ why!"

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry for asking," Milluki says. He's got his hands raised. "I didn't know you were that upset about Killua running away."

"I'm not upset," Illumi says, voice flat and even again. The clang of the door slamming against the floor echoes throughout the dungeon. "I'm taking very rational steps to keep Killua safe."

 

 

Just about every one of their cells is covered in cameras so he is free to give Killua some space until he decides to let him out. He has the footage sent to his phone as soon as he leaves to avoid missing anything.

There isn't much to see. With needles pressed into his joints Killua has no way of moving, even if he were able to ignore the pain. Every time he checks in, Killua is exactly where he left him: on the table, hardly able to do more than twitch.

 

 

"Illu-nii are you okay? Kalluto asks. He's sitting down next to where Illumi has perched himself on the roof, though Illumi isn't entirely sure when he got there.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Illumi doesn't look away from his phone.

"You've been staring non-stop at your phone for two days and I could feel your aura on the opposite side of the manor," Kalluto says. He casually straightens up the fabric of his dress. "It's really menacing."

"Mm."

Kalluto glances over his shoulder at his phone. "Is that Killua?"

"Yup."

"How long are you leaving him in there?"

"I was waiting for dehydration to set in. Or whenever the lack of human contact starts making him restless. Whichever comes first."

"Okay, guess I'll let you focus." Kalluto gets to his feet. "I was just getting worried because you seemed upset."

"Why would I be upset? I knew this might happen."

"Really?"

A section of the roof breaks off in Illumi's hand. "No, not really. I had no idea he was going to run away."

"Sorry Illu-nii."

Illumi's head snaps over in his direction. "Would you ever run away?"

"No," Kalluto says instantly.

He grabs Kalluto's chin and pulls him closer. "No?"

"No," Kalluto confirms.

"Oh." Illumi lets him go and turns back to his phone. "Okay then."

 

 

Illumi is still watching the video feed late into the night when he gets a text. He gives the screen one last glance before going to read it.

It's from Hisoka. _What ever happened to taking the exam together? That would've been fun_

"Whoops," Illumi says aloud. He'd completely forgotten that he'd planned to take the Hunter Exam himself. _Something came up at home. How'd it go?_

_I made a new friend_

_Did you get your license?_

_That too. What happened at home? Was it something serious?_

_Not really. My little brother tried to run away from home so I've been dealing with that._

_Let me guess it was your favorite brother right?_

_I don't have a favorite brother. It was Killua._

_That's what I said. What are you going to do about it? Cut off his legs?_

He switches back to the live feed of Killua. Even though he shouldn't have been able to move at all he's cut himself free, climbed off the table, and is sitting against the wall of his cell. Illumi smiles fondly before switching back to his texts.

_That probably wouldn't slow him down much._

 

 

 

Killua is still conscious when Illumi comes back for him. He's got his knees pulled up and his chin resting on them. His eyes twitch when he catches sight of Illumi. Illumi yanks the needles out all at once.

Killua cries out at the sudden pain and then promptly gasps in relief. He pats his hands over his body like he's checking to see if the needles are really gone.

"Better?"

Killua nods. Illumi takes a towel and wipes dirt and dried blood off him. Killua looks close to passing out but most of his wounds have healed up. A slap on the wrist wasn't nearly enough to do lasting damage.

"Are you angry at me?" Killua manages to ask after a few minutes.

"I'm not angry," Illumi says.

"You've never left needles in me for that long before."

"And you've never tried to run away from me before," he says, scrubbing at Killua's skin harder than is strictly necessary. "Run away from home. That's what I meant."

Killua nods to himself. "Right."

Once he's done he picks Killua up and carries him out of the cell. His skin feels incredibly cold and clammy under his hands but that's much less than his needles could've done.

The long term cells are much nicer than the one that he'd left Killua in before. Killua has an actual bathroom here, though even in there the cameras will be able to pick him up. Illumi lays him down on the bed.

"Illumi, wait." Killua grabs his sleeve as he's turning to leave. "I'm sorry I ran away."

"I appreciate the sentiment but you don't mean that. Not yet. You still want to leave."

"You're wrong. I don't."

Illumi draws his needles

"Alright I do! Shit!"

"I know. But your desire to leave isn't any different from your susceptibility to poison or electricity. Which means I can train you out of it."

Killua scoffs and turns away from him. "Whatever. Can you leave now? I want to actually sleep."

"Sure. I'll see you in the morning."

 

 

He does see Killua again at regular intervals after that though it's mostly to bring him meals and see how he's doing. He heals quickly and in a few days Illumi sees him intently examining the walls of his cell.

Nothing comes of it, but he doesn't give up easily.

 

 

"He said he was thinking about taking the Hunter Exam when he left," he tells his father later.

Silva nods deeply. "There's a good chance he'd run into a nen user at something like that."

"Yeah, that's what was worrying me. I wouldn't want him to learn that kind of stuff when he's away from home." Illumi checks his phone again but Killua hasn't moved in the past 30 seconds.

"You can always teach him yourself. You've taught him everything else."

"Hm? That was already my plan. I just wanted to ask if I can take some time off from work for a while. At least until the entire situation is under control."

"How much time do you need?"

Killua rolls over in his sleep and Illumi's eyes return to his phone. "...A lot of time."

 

 

Once Killua is settled into his new room Illumi picks their training back up as if they'd never stopped in the first place. The only differences are that he isn't interacting with anyone but Illumi and he's not allowed to leave his room.

 

 

Despite knowing this he finds his mother heading to Killua's room one morning and has to cut her off.

"What's the matter Illu?" she asks.

"Sorry but Killua still doesn't get to have visitors."

"I wasn't going to stay. I just wanted to pop my head in and see him." She sighs, touching her bandaged face. "It feels like it's been so long."

"That's the point. He's not going to see anyone but me until I decide he's ready to."

"Oh Illumi, that's so depraved!" she says, throwing her arms around him. "How long do you want to keep it up for?"

"Dunno. Maybe just a couple years, maybe more."

"My! You might do some real damage to him. Are you sure about that?"

"Definitely. I think it'll be good for him."

 

 

"Did I hear mom's voice?" Killua asks. Illumi is leading him back to his room after an evening of sparring.

"She was planning to visit you but I chased her off."

"Huh? Why?"

"You won't be seeing anyone anytime soon, so you should probably get used to that."

"Mom's family, what the hell is wrong with me talking to her?"

"Do you miss her?"

Killua rolls his eyes. "Hell no. I'm just getting tired of looking at your face."

Illumi comes to an abrupt stop. "I see." He turns to lead them in a different direction.

Killua isn't paying enough attention to notice the detour. It takes a bit of looking but he soon finds the cell he's searching for. It's on the opposite side from the long-term cells. Killua frowns when he looks into the padded room.

"Looks comfy."

"Ha, it sure does, doesn't it?" He pushes Killua inside.

Killua shoves his hands into his pockets and walks in. He bounces once on the soft floor. "So? What are we doing here?"

"The cell is just for your protection. I've tried this a couple of times and people tend to hurt themselves pretty often."

"Illumi, what are you doing?" Killua asks, as Illumi draws one of his needles. The bravado in his voice is gone.

"Oh nothing. Just giving you some alone time." His needle strikes its mark at the back of Killua's neck and his brother staggers.

Killua grabs onto the wall behind him as his body starts to go numb. He tries to reach up and grab at the needle but it's already sunken under his skin. "What the hell? Illumi, what is this?"

"Nothing permanent, I've just cut you off from all your senses. In about a minute your vision and your hearing should go. Then in a couple more minutes you won't be able to feel yourself blink or tell if you're standing or suspended upside-down. Fun right?"

"Oh my god." Killua's eyes dart frantically around the room but they don't find Illumi. "You're not going to scare me with this!"

"That's good! Then I hope you enjoy your little vacation. I'll be back for you in a couple of days."

"Shit, fuck. _Fuck!_ " Killua grabs at his head, trying to feel his face.

"Goodnight!" Illumi says.

He closes the door behind him.

 

 

Killua doesn't react when he walks in a day later. He's on his side, breathing shallowly, his hands curled up in his shirt. He'd been panicking for the first couple of hours and had accidentally cut scratches into his skin a few times but they've healed over quickly. Killua's clearly figured out that it's in his best interest to move as little as possible.

Illumi kneels down beside him and lifts his head. Killua is clearly awake, his breathing is too irregular for him not to be, but his eyes are still squeezed shut. Illumi brushes the tears off his face and then pulls the needle out.

Killua flinches away instantly, throwing up his arms to shut out the bright florescent light. Illumi holds a cup of water up to his lips and Killua drinks from it slowly. He coughs a few times when he finishes. Illumi gives him an indulgent smile.

And then stabs the needle back in.

"Wuh-wait! Illumi!" Killua grabs at him blindly. His voice is slurred from his inability to hear. Illumi removes the needle again.

"Did you need something?"

"Don't...leave me down here."

"Oh? I thought you didn't want to see me."

"I was just angry. Please, I don't want to be alone."

He puts away the needle and sits Killua upright.

"You're saying you didn't mean what you said?"

"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

Killua falls forward and his head hits Illumi's chest. His skin is cold from a lack of blood flow and for once Illumi's own body feels warm in contrast. He can't hold himself up so Illumi gets an arm around his back. With sensation returning to his body slowly his muscles twitch every now and then.

Illumi holds him closer and runs his fingers through his hair. "Alright. Let's get you back to your cell. Would you like that?"

Killua nods. His hands shake as they grip the muscles of Illumi's arms. "Thanks."

 

 

Killua stays quiet and docile for about as long as it takes for his body to fully heal. And once that period is over he's more or less back to his usual self. Which means that the first thing Killua says when they start sparring again is very predictable.

"When are you letting me out of here?"

Illumi ignores him and continues examining the knife in his hands.

"Illumi."

"I haven't decided but I know it's still too soon."

"It's been _months_."

Illumi brushes his thumb over the knife, testing its sharpness. It barely cuts his skin. He goes back to sharpening it.

"Illumi, this is dumb."

Without looking up, Illumi picks up one of his other knives and hurls it in Killua's direction. Killua catches it with an annoyed grumble. Illumi gets to his feet.

"You've lived here for 12 years and you still ran away so maybe in another 12 you'll be ready to leave," he says. He lifts the knife in his hand. "Now, are you ready?"

Killua is always instructed to fight as if he wants to kill Illumi but today he really takes that lesson to heart.

 

 

 _How did you learn how to use nen?_ He texts that evening.

Hisoka responds quickly. _An old serial killer I met at a circus taught me how_

Illumi stares at the text.

 

 

"We'll just keep practicing until you figure it out," Illumi says.

"Same as with everything else," Killua mumbles. He sitting cross legged on the floor, trying to sustain his aura around his body for as long as he can. This is his second time trying it out and he's just passed half an hour.

Of course Illumi knew that he was a fast learner but even the talented often find themselves stunted when it comes to nen. Within the first week of their training Illumi is already explaining the different types of nen users.

"Take a look," he says, holding his hands around a glass of water. Killua leans forward to stare.

"When I use my nen on this glass the leaf inside it moves," Illumi explains. The leaf spins across the surface of the water. "See?"

"What are you then?"

"A Manipulator."

Killua snorts. "What a shocker."

"Your turn."

Killua holds his hands by the side of the glass and closes his eyes. With gyo Illumi can see his nen moving around the glass and into the water but nothing happens.

"What does that mean? Am I doing something wrong?"

"Give the water a taste."

Killua dips his finger into the water and then brings it to his lips. "Woah, it's sweet!"

"Yup. It means you're a Transmuter."

"The ones who can change their auras into stuff?"

Illumi nods. "Like Dad."

"Huh." Killua stares down at the glass, a rare smile gracing his features. "A Transmuter would probably make a really good chef. They could use their nen to sweeten up ingredients however they wanted."

"That'd make sense but I can't imagine anyone with the ability to use nen would do something so mundane with it."

Killua's face falls. "Yeah...I guess."

 

Illumi can't sleep.

He doesn't do it very much but he should be able to if he decides to. His body feels hot and restless. It won't let him fall asleep. Through his ear piece he can hear the steady sound of Killua's breathing that tells him that his brother isn't asleep but isn't moving around much. There haven't been any changes to that. He grabs his cellphone.

Killua's sitting on the floor with a glass of water in front of him, eyes closed. A Transmuter. Just like their father.

He rolls over again, taking the phone with him. He'd double checked the locks on Killua's room after returning him there earlier. There shouldn't be anything wrong there at least.

An hour of meditation doesn't help. Neither does an hour of watching Killua in his cell.

Illumi frowns and taps on the messages icon. There were a lot of texts between him and Hisoka. He scrolls up for a while until he reaches a conversation from a few months earlier.

Hisoka starts with, _Are you sure you don't want to come by? It's not exactly out of the way for you_

_I'm sure. I'm going to get something to eat and then head home._

_There's a really good bakery in town if you're trying to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours_

_Text me the address._

_Or I could help you with that myself. Did you know that Transmuters taste sweet? Everything from our sweat to our come tastes a bit like a candy store_

_That's nice but where's the bakery_

He stares at Hisoka's text in the dark. He'd assumed it was nothing but his normal casual flirting but now that he was training a Transmuter it was starting to feel more probable. If Transmuters made water sweet by concentrating their nen into it then any Transmuter who concentrated their nen inwards would be making the fluids in their bodies sweet as well. That made sense. It was an interesting if mostly useless fact that he could teach Killua later. Question answered. Illumi closes his eyes with a sigh.

And then opens them again.

Did all Transmuters taste the same of did their skill level factor into their taste? Did they taste different everywhere or was the taste consistent? What did Killua taste like?

Illumi sits up in bed, his sleep forgotten.

_What did Killua taste like?_

 

 

 

Killua has almost no trouble figuring out how to concentrate nen to certain parts of his body. But the drastic improvements in his ability to use nen has in an unexpected consequence—Killua learns how to strengthen his muscles enough to lift nearly twice what he normally can.

It's just before dawn when Illumi is woken by the sound of several tons of metal bending in his ear piece. He doesn't bother checking his phone. He heads straight for Killua's cell.

Killua must have switched to focusing his nen into his legs because he's out of sight when Illumi gets there seconds later. He's hiding his aura and he's moving fast. Wasting no time, Illumi heads to the second floor. Killua is surprisingly fast but he hasn't practiced his technique before now and Illumi has been using nen for over half his life.

A white blur darts across his vision but before it can get past him Illumi throws an arm around it.

Killua growls in frustration and struggles in his arms, trying to get down. A lucky swing catches Illumi in the face and fractures his jaw.

"Were you heading to Dad's room? I thought you might be." As Killua starts to yell something Illumi claps a hand over his mouth. "It's late. Let's not bother him."

" _Mmffhmm!"_

"I'm going to assume that was a 'you're right Illu-nii! Take me back to my room please!' and I'd be more than happy to do that." Illumi heads back downstairs, hugging his wiggling brother to his chest.

Killua shakes his head. " _Ffmmn_!"

"Oh really? That's a great idea Kil."

Illumi kicks open the door to the padded cell and he feels Killua go rigid. He draws a needle. Killua tries to slip out of his grip but it doesn't work. He lowers them down to their knees.

"You're so funny sometimes Kil. Trying to run away from me." He's holding Killua to him with just the hand on his mouth. "Again."

The needle enters the back of his neck with no trouble at all. "There we go."

Killua grabs at his clothing eyes wide.

As Killua starts to lose his sense of touch his struggling slows. While he still has some of his feeling remaining Illumi pets his head. "I don't mind when you make mistakes," he says. "I wouldn't be a very good teacher if I did. So if you want to keep doing this go on ahead, that's fine by me. But know this."

He turns Killua enough that their eyes meet.

"No matter how much nen you learn, or how long you train yourself, you will never be strong enough to get away from me."

Killua's eyes leave his and dart frantically around the room as his vision leaves him. Illumi lets out a sigh and his brother must still have some sense of feeling because he shudders and leans away from it, though not very far. As his struggles lessen, Illumi removes his hand.

Killua stays limp, hyperventilating.

"It'd be nice if you were this accommodating all the time," Illumi says.

It's late. He stays in the cell anyway and holds his frightened and angry little brother. Killua screams, cries, and curses his name intermittently. Illumi stays with him.

  

 

In a week's time Killua has rolled himself into a ball and his claws are sunk into the flesh of his shoulders. His head is in Illumi's lap, right where its been for most of the week. Illumi had stuck an IV into his arm so at the very least he's hydrated well enough. There are sharp marks along his neck and back where he'd tried to dig out the needle. Illumi turns him over.

Killua doesn't look at him. His eyes remain fixed ahead. They're red from his crying and lack of sleep.

"We probably shouldn't push this any longer," he says, stroking Killua's head. "This has been fun though."

He pulls the IV and his needle out.

Where the first time he'd snapped to his senses instantly, this time it's slow and groggy, as though Killua hasn't noticed that his senses are coming back. After a few minutes Illumi gives his shoulder a shake.

Killua twitches and then his eyes finally meet Illumi's. He looks too tired to be scared or angry.

"Please...don't do that again," Killua whispers.

"That's up to you, isn't it?"

 

Complete muscle control hasn't returned after an hour so Illumi draws him a bath, hoping the heat will help. Since Killua isn't dexterous enough to do it he undresses his brother himself. In a moment of pride Killua tries to insist on being allow to get himself into the bath but he isn't able to.

With a hand on his back and under his knees Illumi lowers him slowly into the hot water. Killua shudders as sensation returns to his body. Illumi busies himself with scrubbing him down and washing his hair. Some of Killua's muscle control is back by the end of his bath but he doesn't object to Illumi patting him dry and getting him dressed.

He sits Killua down on the counter and starts toweling his hair dry. Killua's able to sit himself up at this point but he still seems shaken. He might be imagining it but he thinks Killua is leaning slightly into his touch.

Curious, he drags the towel slowly around the back of Killua's neck and sees his eyes flutter closed. He lets the towel sit across Killua's shoulders and switches instead to scratching the back of his head the way he might a cat.

His needles do more than make it so that a person can't feel. Every bodily sensation from pain to hunger is gone. It's as though the body is no longer there at all. Illumi imagines it's probably what dying feels like.

Killua's eyes are still shut as he presses himself into Illumi's palm, a silent plea for him to continue. Illumi lets himself be gentle and scratches him with slow strokes over the base of his skull, carding through the wet curls that lay across the nape of his neck. He can feel Killua practically melting in his hand; the way his muscles go loose and his lips part in a barely audible sigh.

Very slowly, he starts to pull away, but Killua chases his hand, trying to keep up the contact. He winds up touching Killua's cheek and brushing a thumb across his face.

Killua shivers as though he's never felt that sensation before. He doesn't know why he hadn't noticed earlier but he's found himself between Killua's thighs, closer than he'd really have to be if he was just trying to get Killua dry. Between the steam from the bath and the heat radiating from Killua his skin feels uncomfortable and damp.

Killua's legs close around his waist and Illumi presses the palm of his free hand on his thigh. He isn't sure if the touch is meant to discourage Killua from getting any closer or to give him more of the contact he seems to crave but it happens anyway. He can feel Killua tremble beneath his hand.

After what must a particularly pleasurable touch Killua's eyes fall open. They're dark and as clouded and unfocused as the air in the bathroom. It's as though he's drugged Killua with nothing but his touch.

A drop of water rolls down the bridge of his nose to land on Illumi's hand. He wonders if the drop would taste like clean water or if it'd be sweet from his skin like Hisoka suggested.

Killua blinks and jolts back, shoving his hand away.

"What is it?" Illumi asks.

Killua climbs off the counter unsteadily and ignores the helping hand he's offered. "I think my hair is dry enough," he mumbles.

 

 

It hasn't happened in almost ten years, but he wakes up hard the next morning. He takes care of it the shower, keeping his mind blank and free from any unwanted thoughts. It's not a problem.

 

 

 _Was the stuff you said about Transmuter body fluid true?_ he texts afterwards.

Illumi hasn't even finished dressing when his phone starts ringing. "Hisoka. That was quick."

"What exactly are you going to do to your brother?"

Illumi pulls his phone away to stare at it incredulously before answering. "Which brother? I have three."

"Yes, I've seen the baby pictures. Very cute. What are you going to do to Killua?"

"I'm training him in nen. Why do you ask?"

"You told me that a month ago. He's a Transmuter too isn't he?"

"That's none of your business. I'd just like to be able to tell him everything he needs to know about nen."

"Oh, of course," Hisoka says, some levity returning to his voice. "If you're so determined to learn everything there is about nen you just need to get a taste of a Transmuter. I for one -"

"That's a good idea." Illumi nods to himself. "It's not like I ever need a reason to spill Killua's blood."

"I meant—"

"I know exactly what you meant. Thanks for the advice!" Illumi hangs up.

 

 

Killua is practicing the ability to sustain his nen for as long as possible. He's gotten himself up to about four hours without much effort and is still going strong. Illumi supervises, noting when his dispersion of nen becomes uneven. Killua doesn't complain about his presence.

Halfway through cleaning his knives Illumi remembers his conversation with Hisoka. "Apparently Transmuters have sweet body fluids."

Killua's aura wobbles. "Ew, what?"

"Something a Transmuter I know said."

"What, like all of us?"

"Apparently."

"They could've been lying."

"Yeah, that's very possible."

Killua eyes him warily for a few seconds before shutting his eyes again.

Illumi watches his brother practice, knife held loosely in his hand. All he needs to do is take his knife and give him a small cut, somewhere like his arm. Killua wouldn't question that, something so small would hardly bother him. Though he might object to Illumi trying to taste him on principle.

He'd have to hold Killua down in that case. Just a hand on his throat while he cut into Killua and licked at the bloodied skin. Running his tongue over the torn flesh. With how quickly he heals Illumi would need to keep his blade close by so he could cut into him again and again until he'd gotten what he wanted. Killua certainly wouldn't like that and he'd be begging for Illumi to stop.

Illumi's knife clatters to the floor.

"Okay!" he says, voice too loud. Killua startles at it. "That's enough for today! You can keep practicing in your room but I've got a job."

"Jeez, alright," Killua says.

 

 

Killua has nothing to entertain him in his cell apart from himself, so he settles into something of a routine. Meditating and training take up a decent amount of that time. He even takes to routinely sleeping eight hours a day.

One of these nights Killua seems to be having difficulty falling asleep and Illumi ends up watching him toss and turn for hours. It's a waste of time for him to keep trying since he clearly isn't tired enough to sleep, but he can't exactly tell Killua that.

Eventually Killua seems to get tired of trying to sleep and he kicks his blanket down to his knees, brow furrowed in annoyance. Illumi suspects that he's going to get up and pace like he often does but then he notices the slight tent in Killua's pajama pants and realizes that's not the case.

Killua is hesitant as he pushes his hand down into his pants and given that Illumi's never seen him do this before he suspects this is one of the first times he's actually tried to masturbate. He clearly doesn't really know what to do with himself. Illumi watches him grope at his cock, eyes shut, and almost feels bad about denying him internet access. Watching a practical demonstration would definitely make the job much easier.

He could always show Killua what to do himself, he thinks, watching Killua's throat as it works around a quiet groan. Controlling all of your bodily functions was important for an assassin.

Killua turns his face into the blankets when he comes. His pillow ends up ripped to shreds as his body tenses with pleasure. Killua's breathing slows down and his eyes are still closed but his face is more relaxed. He blinks and then pulls his hand out of his pants, staring at the sticky drops.

He slowly brings his fingers to his lips.

Illumi puts his phone down. He's got his ear piece in so that should be enough for now. He needs to go to sleep.

 

He doesn't hunt Hisoka down for the next couple of weeks so much as he accepts jobs in places that he knows he frequents and then looks around a lot. Hisoka isn't hiding but he moves around constantly.

When he finally finds him he's sitting on a empty rooftop in Yorkshin, seemingly up to nothing.

"Isn't this a pleasant surprise?" Hisoka says when he sees him.

He laughs when Illumi throws him down against the hard concrete of the roof and climbs over him. "How rude."

Illumi forces his head still, and kisses him, expecting absolutely nothing but confirmation that Hisoka is lying. But it _does_ taste faintly sweet.

He pulls away, staring at Hisoka's smiling lips in shock. That wasn't supposed to happen. But he tasted like...

Illumi kisses him again, this time trying to figure out the flavor in his mouth with his tongue. Hisoka isn't shy about kissing him back and moaning into Illumi's mouth when he likes what he's doing.

It's a strange taste. Like cherry. And almost artificial.

Illumi breaks the kiss and sits up. Hisoka laughs and raises his right hand. He's holding a lollipop.

"Haha. That was a good one." Illumi punches him across the face. Hisoka continues to laugh.

Tension leaves Illumi's body. "Well. I guess that was a fun waste of time," he says. "You got me worked up over nothing."

Hisoka pops the lollipop back in, ignoring the blood in his mouth. "I wasn't lying Illumi. The lollipop is just me having a little fun at your expense. We really do taste sweet."

"Let me guess, there's a much better way to get a taste of you?"

"You don't want to have any leftover doubt do you?"

"That's a fair point actually," Illumi says.

Hisoka's eyes widen at the flash of the knife but by then Illumi has already drawn the blade across his shoulder. He turns Hisoka away with a hand on his throat and then yanks the fabric of his shirt down. Hisoka lets out a very excited moan and pulls him forward so that Illumi is laying on him.

"You really get hard much too fast," Illumi says.

He doesn't bother dragging it out. The wound he cut into Hisoka's skin is clean and straight and Illumi drags his tongue over the spilled blood there. Instantly, Illumi backs up, keeping Hisoka at arm's length.

He stares at the cut and then at Hisoka's grinning face. Hisoka winks.

"How are you doing that?"

"I'm not doing anything. Did it disappoint?"

Illumi digs into the wound and tastes it again. It's thick and heavy like normal blood in the way it coates his tongue but the taste of iron is replaced by something sweet. He's never had anything like this.

"All our fluids taste different," Hisoka says. "Now if you were to taste my come—"

Illumi squeezes down harder on his throat. "Sorry, but I don't want to hear your voice right now."

Hisoka groans and doesn't move away, letting Illumi continue to taste and choke him.

A new sound breaks into his earpiece and Illumi freezes. Hisoka whines and he presses down until the noise stops. He continues listening. A few seconds later he hears it again. A soft exhale, a hitched breath. Killua is touching himself again.

Cold sweat gathers over Illumi's skin. He's about to get up and end things where they are when Hisoka gets a hand into his pants. In his ear he hears Killua gasp.

"Shit," Illumi mutters, growing hard in Hisoka's hand. With a violent rip Hisoka's pants are torn away. Illumi grasps him hard, finally releasing his throat.

He drags his teeth over Hisoka's skin and thinks about how awkward and clumsy his brother probably looked trying to touch himself. It seems so obvious now that Killua needs his help and Illumi should offer it. He was much more experienced. Killua wouldn't refuse him if he made it feel good. He could keep going, keep edging him towards release and then pulling back until he could taste the sweet beads of sweat on his skin. Taste pained tears as they rolled down his cheeks.

The earpiece picks up a soft keen and Illumi goes lightheaded.

Hisoka keeps jerking him off, all the while moaning salaciously at every movement of Illumi's tongue, every new cut into his skin. He's vaguely aware that he's drooling and moaning slightly as well but it's not enough. Nothing they're doing feels like enough.

If Hisoka tastes this good then he can't imagine what Killua tastes like.

 

 

The incident with Hisoka is admittedly very odd but Illumi solves the problem of the feelings the memory illicets by making the conscious decision to never think about it ever again.

Just as he's getting back to his car, his phone vibrates.

_If your brother complex means we get to do that again then I think I can get behind it_

_I don't have a brother complex,_ he texts back.

When he checks in on Killua he's fallen asleep without his shorts or boxers on, as though he'd passed out right after coming.

 

 

He's finishing up another sparring session with Killua when the memory of tasting Hisoka's blood slides back into his thoughts. He pushes the thought away but one thing does stick. Not everything that he'd considered that day had been a waste of time.

Killua is taking his time shoving the bones in his arms back into place. He makes a soft groan when he's done setting his arm and Illumi finds himself remembering the sounds his earpiece had picked up.

Illumi stabs his knife into the table.

"Kil," he says, drawing Killua's attention away from his injuries. "I want you to watch me."

Killua's eyes reflect nothing but mild confusion as Illumi leans back against the low table, one hand held back to support himself. They stay on him as Illumi undoes his pants. Understanding doesn't register in them until he sees Illumi's cock.

"Um, Illumi?"

Illumi meets his eyes steadily but doesn't say anything as he wraps a loose fist around himself. Whatever Killua was planning on saying dies in his throat as he watches him tug at his cock. For a second he seems frozen in place but after that he turns so he's staring at the opposite wall.

"Pay attention," Illumi snaps. Red covers Killua's cheeks but he relents, turning to watch Illumi again. He fidgets uncomfortably but says nothing.

"That's better. Keep your eyes on me."

Under Killua's scrutiny he quickly grows hard, noting as he does that Killua seems to be breathing faster and that he's mindlessly squeezing his own arm. Killua can't hold his gaze and his eyes flicker between watching the movement of his hand and his eyes. Illumi isn't sure what the expression on his face means but he studies it intently while he strokes himself. It doesn't look like fear.

Wet beads of pre-come coat the head of his cock. He runs his thumb over it, spreading some of the wetness down his length. Since Killua won't have lube at his disposal when he masturbates Illumi settles for licking his palm. Killua's eyes are wide by the time Illumi speeds up his strokes, his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. He watches the movement of Illumi's hand over his balls as he tugs himself, when he turns his grip and when he tightens it.

"Are you paying attention Kil?" he asks.

"Yeah," Killua says. He sounds breathless. A jolt runs up Illumi's spine.

"Good. This is for you anyway."

Now Killua's eyes are pinned to his cock. There's growing shock on his face as though this new perspective, knowing that Illumi is doing this because of him, has changed the entire scene. Heat pools in Illumi's stomach.

Killua bites his lip.

_What did Killua taste like?_

For no reason that he can discern he's staring at Killua's lips when he comes. He's completely silent but Killua's mouth falls open in soft surprise. Killua's eyes follow the movement of his hand as he pulls out a handkerchief. Illumi cleans himself off enough that he looks vaguely respectable and then tosses it.

"Alright." Killua jumps at the sound of his voice as though he was on an entirely different world." We're done for today. Come on."

Killua keeps pace with him on the way back and doesn't stop staring at him. There's some tense emotion radiating from his body but he doesn't say anything. He looks expectant, like he doesn't think Illumi's lesson is over yet.

 

But at least he gets it right next time.

 

In the next couple weeks Illumi spends more money on sweets than he ever has in his life. Mostly he favors lollipops and chocolate. He doesn't seek out Killua's favorite snacks but they have similar tastes and he's been having cravings. Constantly. The candy does nothing for him.

 

He's seen Killua practice his lightening for a while now but he's still caught off guard by how powerful it is the first time he's hit. There's too much nen in the strike for Killua to be able to follow through and take him down but the single hit is impressive. It burns a substantial hole through his shoulder and nearly makes him stumble.

Reacting mostly on instinct, he catches Killua by the arm and folds it behind his back. Killua sends another electrical shock through him but it's much weaker and he's prepared this time.

Killua is bleeding. Without thinking he'd pressed his claws into his skin hard enough to cut. He turns Killua back to examine the wounds.

Illumi lifts his arm, watching the blood roll down his skin. He hears Killua take a sharp breath as he picks at the torn skin with his nail. Blood slides down his fingertips, wet and inviting and _god what was that smell?_

He lifts Killua's arm up closer to his face and breathes in.

Killua has an entirely different smell from Hisoka. While Hisoka's had been vaguely candy-like, in a tantalizing yet artificial way, Killua's was very different. He couldn't identify it yet but he knew if he just got a taste of it he'd know. Thoughtlessly, he smears the blood and feels him flinch. It can't be from the pain—Illumi's hardly done anything to him. Still, he's shaking and pulling away from his grip, though it isn't nearly enough to dislodge him.

Illumi lets him go, hand still coated in Killua's blood. His mouth is watering and it's so hard to think with that sweet smell in his head.

Killua is staring up at him, mouth hanging slightly open. "Holy shit."

Illumi swallows and then let his nen flare up. "Again," he says.

It takes much too long but eventually Killua steps back into his stance.

Illumi wipes the blood off on his pants. By the time Killua has focused his lightening back around his body he's gotten his hands to stop shaking.

 

 

The next time they see each other Killua goes for his throat.

The element of surprise is working in his favor and if he were slightly faster he might've have a chance of decapitating Illumi. But he isn't and Illumi dodges the attack with little trouble.

Though tangled, Killua's hair still feels soft in his hand as Illumi knocks him down, pressing his skull down into floor of his cell. Killua is silent when he hits the ground but he gasps when Illumi settles his weight over his squirming body. A tight squeeze to the back of the neck stops him from fidgeting.

"That was a very bad idea," Illumi says, leaning over him.

"I don't care."

Killua shifts his right hand a millimeter and he clamps down on it. The movement brings him low enough that he's nearly laying on top of Killua. When he's so close to his body it's impossible to not notice the sweet smell around Killua. It's stronger that night and once he's gotten a whiff of it he realizes that it's filled the entire room and is only becoming more pronounced with each passing second.

Illumi's breathing too deeply, at the very least he shouldn't be breathing through his nose.

"You're never going to let me go, are you?" Killua asks.

Illumi shifts forward so that he's resting against the crook of Killua's neck and only his forearm is keeping their bodies separate. He shuts his eyes and breathes in. A dam bursts. "What makes you say that?"

"Educated guess," Killua says bitterly.

"Mmm. You're mistaken. You're the heir; you'll have to leave eventually."

Soft hair brushes against his face as Killua shakes his head. "That's not what I meant."

Illumi releases his hand and shifts it under Killua until he's lifting him slightly, hugging him to his chest. He can feel Killua's smell engraving itself into his skin. He can feel Killua's warmth.

"Then what did you mean?"

"This." Illumi lets him touch his arm. "You're not gonna give it up. The second Dad agreed with you it was over for me."

"Oh that. I've told you as much," Illumi says. Killua jerks as he runs a hand down his chest but can't pull away. "That's a given. But you'll be free on a superficial level."

"Don't—stop touching me."

"Hm?" His hand pauses. His head feels like it's in a cloud. "Why?"

"Because you're being weird again!"

"Awful lot of sass from the person who just tried to kill their older brother." He can feel Killua's heart pounding in his chest. Killua's skin is soft and Illumi wonders if traces of sweat have left it sweet as well. Killua keeps shoving at his arm.

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just let me go."

Killua's body is much too warm. He can't see his face but he must be flushing heavily and he's trying to curl in on himself.

Illumi lets go and Killua slips out from under him. It's like some invisible spell has been undone and all the fog clears from Illumi's head

Killua doesn't look at him as he sits back against the far wall. From the state of his shorts he's either hard or well on his way to being hard. Illumi clears his throat.

"We're still training today. I'll be back in five minutes, so be ready then."

 

 

Nearly a year and a half into Killua's captivity Illumi lets him go back to work. There are conditions that go along with that but after the words "You're going out" had left his lips Killua stopped paying attention.

In the first week of spring, Killua accepts his new job. The pay is barely acceptable for a Zoldyck and the kill could probably be done in his sleep but Killua takes it happily along with the cross-country train ticket the job requires.

"Get the job done and then come home," Illumi says, holding the door to his cell open. "Don't talk to anyone and don't go anywhere off course."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it already," Killua says with a grin. He ducks under Illumi's arm. "Kill the dude and come home. I remember how it works."

Illumi smiles back and gives him a wave goodbye. "I doubt that!"

 

 

Killua is a bundle of happiness once he's off Kukuroo mountain. He's friendly with all the people he encounters, stopping to talk to random homeless people and bumping into pedestrians intentionally in the crowded street. Illumi makes sure to keep track of everyone Killua has spoken to.

Killua chose the job blindly, looking at the location and not the job. The job is to kill the family of a relatively prominent politician and stage it as a break in gone wrong. The client specified that the deaths should be slow and messy to get the point across. Apparently the politician himself is a upstanding citizen and his family is known for being friendly and well loved. Along with his wife there are four kids, twins about Killua's age a child a few years younger and another a few years older. They're always beaming in their family pictures.

Killua eventually, after loitering outside their house for hours, goes in and gets the job done. The deaths are quick in defiance of his instructions but he stages the scene well enough to make up for it.

When Killua leaves his good mood looks somewhat spoiled. At a corner where he'd previously spoken to an old woman selling candy Killua stops to silently note that the stall is now empty. His eyes twitch upwards as though he's about to look at Illumi's spot on the balcony above him but he stops himself and tilts his head back down.

" _Now_ you get it," Illumi says. He watches Killua cut through empty back alleys to get back to the train station and avoid interacting with anyone. His hood is pulled up over his face.

 

 

He lets Killua take a few more jobs after that one. True to his teachings, Killua talks to almost no one on his next trip out. He doesn't even let people on the street bump into him by accident.

He asks one man for directions, a man who later ends up dead for it, but that's it.

 

 

There's something odd in Killua's expression.

It's been months since he started letting him leave home for work and he'd thought everything was fine but Killua is being much too quiet. He isn't ignoring Illumi he just seems to have nothing at all to say.

He pauses as he gets to Killua's door, not bothering to unlock it yet. Killua doesn't seem to notice. He just stands numb at his side, eyes downcast and no trace of an expression on his face. His shoulders are heavy.

"Killua."

Killua sighs. "What?"

"Nothing in particular." He thinks about it for a moment before ruffling Killua's hair. "It's just that you've been doing well lately."

"Great."

"Sure is. Well, get some sleep Kil." Illumi starts to back away.

Killua catches his wrist. Illumi tries to move his hand again only to have Killua give him a squeeze. It feels like a warning. Illumi returns it to Killua's head and pats again. Killua lets go and closes his eyes. Something softens in his expression.

The last time Killua had physical contact with anyone who didn't immediately die afterwards was probably their last training session. Unless he's torturing Killua or patching up the wounds he's inflicted they don't really touch either. Which means that this is one of few nonviolent touches he's had in the past few years.

He keeps patting Killua's head. Smoothing his hand down through his brother's hair from the top down towards the side of his head. His hair has grown a lot recently since Killua stopped randomly hacking at the longer strands with sharp objects in an attempt to keep it even. Every time Illumi lets go to move his hand back up Killua's hair fluffs back out, only for it to flatten again under Illumi's touch.

Killua makes a pleased sound in the back of his throat. Illumi can't seem to stop.

Killua takes a wary step forward, and then another when Illumi does nothing. He doesn't stop petting as Killua leans carefully against his chest. One hand starts to move towards his side as though Killua might try to hug him but then it drops again. The contact is so light that he can hardly feel more than the brush of Killua's hair but if he's enjoying it then there's no reason to stop. For now at least.

Killua never tells him to stop and Illumi doesn't stop on his own so they stay that way. It isn't until the sun has long gone down and he gets a call about another job that he finally makes Killua go to bed.

 

 

 

Nearly two years after Illumi first locked him up, Killua has dinner with his family.

Killua's sentence isn't over, Illumi explains beforehand. This is just to reassure their parents that he's doing alright under Illumi's care and then it's back to his cell. But Killua just shrugs in response.

"Don't know why we should bother," he says. He's reclining on his bed and openly sharpening a stone from his wall into a shiv. "Sounds boring."

He comes along anyway. Their mother is overjoyed to have Killua "back" and she has a small feast prepared with lots of the unhealthy desserts that she knows Killua likes for the occasion. Milluki and Kalluto are there to, though their father isn't.

Illumi expects it to be awkward but in reality it's basically the same as how their meals used to be. Killua looks disinterested in everything that's happening around him but still eats half the table by himself. Kikyo is no more overwhelming than usual and Milluki is still snide and aggravated.

The only odd thing that happens is when Milluki tries to grab the last pork bun off Killua's plate. Killua drives his fork into Milluki's hand, stabbing it into the table. That itself isn't inherently out of place for them but there's still something odd about.

Typically when Killua prepares to kill something or act out in some other violent way his eyes tend to go dark and threatening before he acts. Nothing changes when he stabs Milluki. Not his aura, or even his facial expression.

He just swipes Illumi's fork and then keeps eating.

 

 

The consequences are typical of their family too in that Illumi winds up patiently waiting for Milluki to finish beating his frustration out of Killua. He's got cameras all over the dungeon so he catches most of what happens. After a few hours of work the doors slam open. Illumi slips his phone back into his pocket.

"He doesn't seem sorry at all!" Milluki shouts. He tosses his whip across the hall. "Dumb brat."

Illumi waits for him to storm off and then walks in to see Killua breaking the chains off his wrist, barely suppressing a yawn.

"I think you just made him angrier," Illumi says.

"That's his problem." Killua stretches to touch his toes a few times.

"Why did you bother letting him torture you in the first place?"

"I felt bad for the dork. He didn't get a chance to pay me back for stabbing him so I figured I'd throw him a bone."

"Oh."

"Yeah but he really wasted it." Killua scoffs, pulling on his shirt. "I don't know if he's out of practice or something but I almost fell asleep during that."

"Since you've been with me your pain tolerance has probably improved."

Killua stops tying his shoes and looks up at him. "Yeah...maybe that's it."

"Something wrong?"

"No. I don't know, maybe." Killua brushes off his clothes. "It all felt off. Like it wasn't much of a punishment at all."

Illumi looks him over. It's true he hardly looks ruffled. For the two of them it wouldn't even constitute a day of light training.

"You're probably right, my tolerance is way too high." Killua laughs awkwardly. "Guess you're the only person who can still hurt me."

Illumi slams the door shut. "Kil, take off your clothes."

Killua jumps. "What?"

"You heard me," Illumi says. He moves to check out Milluki's abandoned tools, noting that he didn't bother to clean any of them before leaving. Killua's blood is everywhere. Illumi avoids touching the tools that are too bloodied.

"You can keep your shorts on, that'll be enough," Illumi says, examining a scalpel. Out of the corner of his eye his sees Killua slowly pull his shorts back on.

"What are we doing Illumi?"

"I'm giving you what you want." He hears Killua take in a sharp breath.

"What do I want?"

Illumi turns to him. Killua is shivering faintly but it doesn't look like he's afraid. His eyes are so wide.

"You don't know?" he asks.

Killua swallows. "I...I thought I did but I'm not sure anymore."

"That's okay. That's why I'm here." Illumi reaches out a hand. Killua slowly closes the gap between them until he's stroking his hair. "You want me to hurt you."

"Fuck," Killua says quietly. His hand moves to cover his mouth. "I think you're right."

 

There's a new smell in the dungeon. He notices it about an hour later when he's got Killua's strung up. It's tight and cramped so Killua is hanging only enough to be level with Illumi's chin. Having passed out only moments earlier he's hanging forward, leaving Illumi staring at the top of his head.

Illumi sniffs the air. He lays his pliers down on the metal table beside him and closes his eyes. It's sweet. And familiar

Frowning, Illumi tips his head forward enough that his nose skims Killua's hair and gets hit with the smell at full force. Sugary and thick. It's Killua's smell.

Only it's not entirely the same. There's a saltiness to the smell as well that Illumi struggles to identify. If Transmuters taste different everywhere this might be the smell of his sweat. It's gotten a lot stronger if Illumi now notices it. Given the sudden change Killua must be really improving his nen usage. It makes sense that, as he grows stronger, the effects of his nen grow as well.

He's still got his head lowered when Killua finally stirs. One of Killua's eyes is red from a burst blood vessel. His gaze on Illumi is steady and firm all the same.

Illumi looks away first, staring down at a streak of blood on Killua's chin. He can feel Killua looking at him but he still runs his thumb up Killua's chin, catching the wetness there. He remembers again the taste of Hisoka's blood on his tongue. The candy like flavor tinted with the metallic edge of normal blood had stayed in his mouth for days.

Killua moves his head and now Illumi is almost touching his lips. When Illumi doesn't remove his thumb or pick up his pliers the moment begins to feel too long and stretched out. Another strange stalemate with neither of them speaking, neither of them doing anything. The moment feels hazy and surreal.

And then Killua slides his tongue over Illumi's thumb and licks away the blood there.

Their eyes never leave each other’s while Killua drags his way up Illumi's thumb again and then opens his mouth wider to bite down softly against it. Illumi is stone still as he watches. With both saliva and his own blood in his mouth there must be two different tastes on Killua's tongue. When Killua lets go of his thumb, his teeth have left small indentations along the skin there.

"How does it taste?" Illumi hears himself ask.

Killua is breathing loudly, his face slightly flushed.

"Good," he says quietly.

 

 

 

The next time Killua picks a job he seems to do so completely at random. He barely looks at the assignment sheet and just accepts his train ticket from Illumi silently.

Killua isn't distant from people during his trip. He lets the couple sitting across from him engage him in light conversation. He even stops to buy snacks and talk to the grocery store clerk.

Killua makes a stop at a small ice scream shop in the center of town after he's made his kill. He's all smiles and enthusiasm while he orders. Illumi enters the shop just as Killua leaves it. He isn't in disguise; just his normal clothes and his unaltered face. Killua passes a casual glance in his direction.

"Yo," Killua says, walking past him.

"Hey," he responds. Killua takes a couple licks of the cone as he walks back out into the street.

The ice cream man dies silently, slumped over his cash register. Killua doesn't look back.

 

 

Illumi's earphones aren't perfect so he isn't sure if he heard Killua correctly the first time.

Killua's being especially messy that night. His blankets have been kicked off, not intentionally but from the way he's shifting on the bed, seemingly so far gone in his pleasure that he isn't paying attention to his surroundings. His shorts are somewhere on the floor.

He's also got his fingers in his ass.

Illumi isn't sure when he figured out how to do that but he's distracted by Killua repeating himself in a breathy whisper.

_"Illumi!"_

He lowers his phone.

"That's...flattering," Illumi says to his empty room. If there's a proper response to this it's currently escaping him.

Killua isn't on his side anymore when he checks in again. He lays flat on his back, knees bent and spread. The hand that he's fingering himself with is between his legs and his still hard cock lays against his belly. The camera in Killua's room is on the ceiling above his bed so like this he can see Killua's face, his half-lidded eyes and the sweat on his brow. Killua lifts his gaze.

He looks directly into the camera and then says it again, not gasping it while lost in pleasure but clearly and deliberately. Addressing him.

_Illumi._

For some reason he's craving sugar again.

 

 

Killua stares at the train ticket in his hand and then back up at Illumi. "Why don't you just come along?" he asks. "You're gonna follow me anyway right?"

"You want to ride with me?"

Killua shrugs. His body is relaxed but there's nothing casual in his aura. It's coming out of him in piercing waves of focus. Killua doesn't seem to notice.

"Might as well." Killua's eyes are sharp and unblinking. "I don't care either way."

 

 

On the train Killua sits next to him in their private compartment as opposed to across from him. It makes talking to him a bit more difficult but he doesn't need to explain too much so it doesn't get in the way for long. After that they sit in silence.

They're crossing over a bridge still about two hours away from their destination when Killua's head hits his shoulder. Illumi saw him sleep the previous night but the trip is long. He leaves Killua be.

Killua's arm is under his so his hand ends up on Illumi's thigh. It's placement there looks natural, like it might be an ordinary thing to happen in his sleep, but it isn't. He's slowed down his heart rate and his breathing but Illumi knows that he's still wide awake.

Killua moves in closer so that his knee touches Illumi's thigh. In between his shorts and his sleeveless shirt he's gotten a lot of his skin on Illumi's body.

After a few minutes Killua opens his eyes, wiggling a little against him until his face is pressed into his shoulder. He breathes in deep and the hand on his thigh lifts away to catch hold of Illumi's hair.

"Illumi."

Illumi turns to look at him. "Hm?"

"I'm hard."

"I noticed." It'd started when he'd shifted his body into Illumi's space.

Killua's hand slides down the length of his hair. "Do something about it."

Illumi's self-control is too good for his thoughts to slip back to the fantasy he'd entertained when Hisoka had gotten him off. "You know what to do. Do it yourself."

"I want you to do it."

"Why?"

"It looked better when I watched you." Killua's hand tightens in his hair and the rest of his body is turned enough in his direction that he can feel Killua's erection against his hip.

"You don't need my help."

"You already control every other aspect of my life, don't you?" Killua's voice is demanding despite what he's saying. He presses his forehead to Illumi's and speaks in a heated whisper. "Take this too. Do it, come on."

Illumi looks down at where their bodies are crowded together. If Killua were much closer he'd be straddling his thigh but as he is now he's panting into his neck, hand around his back trembling. He doesn't look this vulnerable when he's being tortured.

"...okay," Illumi says. He frees his arm so he can reach down towards Killua's shorts.

Killua jumps at the feeling of a hand on his lap and pulls away, staring up at him in wide eyed surprise. Illumi starts to pull back but Killua grabs his hand and presses him back down, insistent. Any hint of hesitance is gone from his face.

"Yes, do it! This is your fault. Fix it!"

He pulls the waistband of Killua shorts down below his balls and takes hold of his cock. Simple as that.

 

It's just taking care of an ordinarily bodily function, Illumi reminds himself as Killua gasps and yanks at his hair.

It wouldn't do to have him so distracted during a mission, he reasons as Killua bites his lip and thrusts up into his fist.

Killua is his brother, he thinks, as Killua comes in his hand, writhing and whispering _Illumi_ again and again into his ear. Brothers are supposed to help each other out.

And since this is nothing but a task to keep Killua going, he does not suck the come off his fingers to see how it tastes and instead slips away to the bathroom to wash his hands, leaving Killua laying across their seat, eyes glazed over from the strength of his orgasm, and his shorts still pushed down his thighs.

 

 

 

"He's been different how?" Hisoka asks, swirling his drink around in his glass. For the first time in a while Illumi agrees to go meet Hisoka for drinks but he finds that he really isn't in much of a mood for drinking.

Illumi hums. "More clingy I guess."

"It must be a lot for it to actually bother you."

"It doesn't bother me."

Hisoka throws back his drink. "Not exactly a rousing endorsement. I figured you'd be happy about something like this. Your precious Killua is going to be a creep just like his big brother."

"Neither of us is creepy Hisoka. Family is supposed to be close."

Hisoka stares down at his empty glass. "Dare I ask how close?"

"You know. Spending time together, giving each other advise, watching them in their bedrooms. Close."

"I need another drink if you don't mind," Hisoka tells the bartender.

He's probably overthinking the hand job. Killua was right, after isolating him for so long and removing any access he might have to external stimuli there really was no one else who could handle it for him.

He still doesn't want to mention it to Hisoka, not because he did anything wrong, but because Hisoka wouldn't understand. For a man who spent decent amounts of his time following around a child he was planning to murder Hisoka was surprisingly judgmental.

"Hisoka?" Illumi asks.

"Mm?" Hisoka sounds reasonably drunk at this point.

"Do Transmuters notice the way they taste?"

Hisoka blinks at him slowly. "Illumi, if you're going to suck your little brother's dick I really don't want to hear about it."

"Just because you're incapable of having relationships that aren't centered around _your_ dick doesn't mean other people can't," Illumi snaps.

"...wow." Hisoka touches a hand to his chest. "I think that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me."

 

 

He heads down to Killua's room at around four in the morning, expecting to find him awake and ready to train, but he doesn't sense movement as he approaches the door.  Inside he finds Killua laying on his side, breathing slowly. His face looks relaxed and his blankets have been kicked down by his feet during the night.

"Kil."

He gets no response but Killua's slow breathing. With a frown, Illumi reaches for his shoulder.

Before he makes contact, Killua grabs his hand and pulls. The momentum throws Illumi over but he catches himself easily enough on his hands and knees. Killua stares up at him, keeping him in place with the grip on his wrist.

"Oh, so you are up."

"What were you doing last night?" Killua asks bluntly.

"Why do you ask?"

Slowly Killua sits up. "I couldn't feel you watching me."

"Hm?"

"You've got cameras in my cell right? I can tell. I can always feel you watching me," Killua says. His lips are too close to Illumi's mouth. He can almost taste the sweet tinge of his breath. "Who the fuck does that? Locks up their brother and watches them 24/7?"

"Does it bother you?"

The grip on his wrist tightens. "I told you I can always feel it." Killua's speaking faster now, breathing harder. "When I had your needle in me, the second time around I could still sense you somewhere nearby. Even when I couldn't feel anything else. It's the same as your aura, like it's sticking to my skin and seeping into my bones. It's the same when you're listening in. It only goes away for a few minutes at a time at most."

Illumi doesn't respond.

"I'm used to it." Killua isn't blinking. He's so close to Illumi, glaring back into his eyes. His vision is filling with blue. "What were you doing?"

Illumi reaches for the trace of his needle in Killua's head. It's there, right where he put it. He flares his nen. A twitch runs across Killua's face but he doesn't back down. His other hand clutches at the fabric near Illumi's throat. Killua flares his nen back.

There's no trace of fear in him.

"Uh," Illumi says awkwardly. Killua squeezes the back of his neck. "I was catching up with an ally. I didn't get a chance to check in."

Killua stares like he expects some kind of follow up. After several long seconds the pressure of his nen in the back of Illumi's head vanishes. He lets go of Illumi's wrist.

"Don't do it again."

 

 

"I should probably discourage this right?" Illumi asks, sitting up on the glass counter. "Sexual desire definitely falls under the kind of wants that you just don't encourage."

The baker, who'd sold Killua a slice of cake five minutes earlier, makes a loud gurgling noise around the needle in his throat.

"It's not as though it bothers me," Illumi continues. "But I've given him that speech a few times at this point. It wouldn't be good for him to be that attached to me. Or anything. But I guess Killua yelling my name while jerking off doesn't automatically mean that he was thinking about me in a sexual context."

The baker chokes loudly. His head thumps against the wooden floor.

Illumi sighs. "Yeah, I guess it does strongly suggest it."

He reaches behind the counter and grabs a chocolate chip muffin.

"Do you think the hand job was a bad idea?" he asks. "Hmm."

"I guess I probably shouldn't—" Killua feeling his presence and knowing that Illumi was watching him. "Definitely shouldn't..." Killua pushing his fingers between his legs anyway, panting and sweating. "Uh... " Killua opening himself up and whispering his name. Coming all over his sheets untouched but still panting and writhing like he wasn't done. Killua looking at him through the camera, eyes cold.

"Huh?" Illumi stares down at the muffin in his hand. "What was I just saying?"

He takes a bite and then makes a face, tossing the muffin away. "Bleh."

 

 

Killua's 15th birthday has come and gone before they have another incident. He has no idea what brings it on but suddenly, after Illumi has finished shoving his head down into their pool and is checking his stopwatch, Killua spits out a mouthful of water and calmly asks, "Hey, so do you ever actually get any sleep?"

"Nope," Illumi says. He forces Killua back under again.

"What, you haven't slept in 3 years?" Killua asks later.

"I take micronaps. It's a great test of self-control, you should try it." He checks Killua's time and writes it down on a clipboard. 12 minutes underwater and he wasn't breathing hard at all.

Killua sits his chin on the edge of the pool. "Seems like a waste."

"I don't think so. You know I don't like having you out of my sight."

Out of the corner of his eye Illumi sees teeth. "Yeah, I know."

The atmosphere in the room feels strange. He pushes Killua under water again.

"Hey Illumi?" Killua asks, continuing right where they left off. There's an excited edge to his voice.

"Hm?"

"Sleep in my room. It'd be easier than having to checks the cameras all night."

He stops writing. “No...not happening."

"What?" Killua sits himself down so only his legs remain in the water. His hair drips down and smudges Illumi's writing. "Why not? Keeping an eye on me is supposed to be what's most important."

Illumi considers that for a moment. "...My room is more secure."

 

 

Killua picks the side of the bed that he usually sleeps on and slides under the covers before Illumi is done washing up. Instead of going straight to sleep Killua watches as he changes his clothes and combs out his hair. The weight of his stare is heavy on his back and not at all subtle the way it is on a job.

When he turns he finds Killua on his side, watching him expectantly like he's waiting for Illumi to do something. Illumi switches off the lights but that doesn't make it any harder to see how intensely he's being stared at.

Killua turns the other way when Illumi climbs into bed. Most of the blankets have been pulled over to his side but it's not like he needs to be particularly comfortable to fall asleep. He looks over at Killua, wrapped up in his sheets and still watching him.

"Did you want something Kil?"

Killua's fingers tighten in the blanket. "Yes."

He doesn't say anything else and Illumi doesn't bother asking any follow up questions.

 

 

The movement of a warm body close to him startles him awake. He looks down to find that Killua has situated himself under his chin so that he's pressed to Illumi's chest. The blanket has been thrown back over both of them so they've got a cocoon of warmth between the two of them.

One of his arms has been thrown over Illumi's body but this time Killua actually is asleep. He closes his eyes again.

"You smell nice Illumi."

Illumi blinks. Apparently he was wrong.

"Thanks."

"You don't smell like blood the way I always do." He feels a hand slide down to the exposed skin between his pants and shirt and the sharp prick of claws follows the sensation. Killua is drawing blood.

"Strong smells make it harder to conceal your presence. But you don't smell like blood."

"What do I smell like then?"

"Not sure exactly. Something sweet."

"I do?"

He nods in the dark. "You didn't used to smell this way. I think transmuting changed the way you smell."

Killua sniffs. "I can't tell."

"I don't think Transmuters can smell or taste themselves. But the change is real."

"How do you know?"

"I've tasted a Transmuter."

Killua's claws cut deeper into his skin. "Recently?"

"Yup. Recently," he confirms. "It was pretty weird to be hon—Killua what are you doing?"

Killua repeats the movement, grinding his half hard cock against Illumi's abs. The sound Killua makes is worryingly close to a moan. Illumi can feel him growing hard. "Get me off again."

He presses a hand to Killua's hip to keep him still. "No."

Killua squirms under his hand. "You've already done it before, why not?"

"We had work to get done." Illumi backs himself away on the bed. "It was convenient."

"Come on. _This_ is what you wanted isn't it? You can have it already. It's yours." Illumi tightens his grip but that doesn't help.

Illumi is about to say something in response, something to shut this down, but then Killua is pushing his hand into his pajama pants with a loud breathless moan.

Killua shoves him onto his back and then climbs over him. His hand returns instantly to his cock and now he's pressed on top of Illumi, stroking himself while he lays on his body. He doesn't move, staying tense and unresponsive.

"I knew you were watching me the whole time," Killua says. His voice is deepened by his arousal and his lack of breath. "Back in my cell. I figured that was why you wanted me to watch you jerk off right? You wanted to return the favor."

He considers denying that outright but in his current state Killua doesn't seem very open to reason.

Killua climbs over his body and then catches Illumi off guard when he bites at his collarbone. The pain isn't really a problem but the gesture is cause for concern.

"I couldn't stop thinking about it, even when I was....even when I was touching myself. I didn't want to think about you but I couldn't think of anything else." A small laugh. "I didn't even know what else I _could_ think about so I kept playing it over and over in my head."

He can feel the brush of Killua's fist against his stomach every time he pulls at himself. The faint odor that Killua usually has is slowly growing stronger. The heat between their bodies only makes it worse until it's as though Killua is filling up all the air in the room. Illumi is stuck staring down at his brother. Frozen in place.

"Please, Illumi," he moans. "This isn't as good as when you did it. Nothing is. I need your hands on me already. I need you to touch me."

Killua surges forward but Illumi is faster than him. He blocks the attempted kiss with a hand in between their faces. Killua completely ignores the rejection and sucks two of Illumi's fingers into his mouth. Again he feels that inexplicable tug in his gut, the sugar craving that's been haunting him for so long now. It's getting worse.

Killua closes his eyes and moans softly around the fingers in his mouth. Illumi smells something fruity, or possibly something floral, on his breath. He's so close to figuring out what it is.

A shiver runs down his spine

A few more tugs, a few more heavy moans and strokes of his tongue on Illumi's fingers, and Killua comes. Illumi can feel the stickiness of it on his stomach.

"Okay." Illumi has to work to free his fingers from Killua's mouth. They're bloodied from Killua biting down when he came and glistening with his saliva. "Cool. Are you done?"

"No." He sees Killua reach towards his crotch. Illumi stops him.

"Are you hard?" Killua asks.

"Go to sleep."

"Let me touch you. I _want_ to."

"Don't make me repeat myself."

Killua's face goes red. He climbs out of bed and storms off into Illumi's bathroom. The doors slams loudly shut behind him.

 

He keeps Killua busy the next few weeks, letting his brother work on their backlog. Over the course of those three weeks he completes 15 missions to hear perfection. No mistakes, no witnesses, done to their client's exact specifications.

When he's done with work and training they go to bed together. Illumi had gotten used to never sleeping so it takes a while for him to remember how to do so in increments longer than five minutes. Initially, after the incident, Killua sleeps facing away from him, as far on the edge of the bed as he can. That doesn't last long. Within a couple days he ends up tangled up around Illumi every morning. Almost always laying on top of him hands occasionally around his waist but usually shoved up his shirt.

Illumi is a light sleeper. Being touched is enough to keep him awake so he spends quite a few nights laying silently with his eyes closed, politely pretending he doesn't notice how hard his brother is.

 

"Ah, so this is the boy that's got Illumi all worked up," Hisoka says, hand on his chin. He tsks. "I suppose I can see the appeal."

Killua makes a face. Illumi can't really blame him when the magician had shown up in the middle of their mission and invited himself into it. He didn't appear to have any plans for leaving now that Killua had arrived either.

"What's with the clown?" Killua asks.

Illumi shrugs. "Don't worry about it. He'll get bored and leave eventually."

"Not if this mission turns out to be fun."

Killua rolls his eyes.

The mission isn't particularly "fun" by Hisoka's standards but he doesn't leave. He continues following the two of them around. But that's not all.

"You know," Hisoka says, laying an arm over his shoulder. His mouth is too close to Illumi's ear. "There are a couple more bodyguards upstairs. If you want to make sure you're not leaving any witnesses..."

Hisoka does this all day. He keeps brushing up against him and touching him whenever they're standing still, leaning over him when he needs to look at something. But if Illumi wasn't used to Hisoka's constant innuendo and lack of boundaries they wouldn't be able to work together, so he doesn't really care.

They finish up in the early evening and Hisoka walks with them back to Illumi's car. Killua is a good distance in front of them, hands shoved into his hoodie.

"I assumed you were already fucking," Hisoka says quietly. "But you can't be if he's that pent up."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Hisoka levels him with a flat stare. Illumi looks away.

With a scoff Hisoka turns away. "If you say so," he says with a wave. "Have a good night boys!"

 

Killua slouches down in the passenger's seat and moves his window up and down. A few minutes into the drive he speaks up. "He always like that?"

"He's usually a little less sexual."

"Ew. You're not sleeping with the clown are you?"

"I don't make a habit of it."

Something in the car snaps. When Illumi looks Killua is holding the broken handle of his door. "Right," he says.

 

He wakes up the next morning with Killua sitting on his chest. His eyes are dark and his erection is pressed between them. "I don't know what you want from me," he says.

Illumi calmly lifts him under his arms and places him back on his side of the bed before turning over and pulling the blankets up with him.

"Damn it, why'd you even bring me up to your bedroom?!"

"You said it yourself. It's easier to keep track of you this way."

Killua grabs his shoulder, trying to pull him onto his back again. "Don't lie to me! That's not why you're doing all this. What do you get out of locking me up like your toy?"

"I get your safely and your obedience," Illumi says, refusing to roll over. "What else is there?"

Killua curses under his breath and throws a leg over one of his, blanket shoved out of the way. He presses himself into the curve of Illumi's back until he can feel his cock pressed up against him. Killua buries his face into his neck and slips a hand between them to touch himself.

"Killua."

"Shut up," Killua says. His breath is warm against Illumi's face.

Illumi tastes something on the tip of his tongue. It's sweet. Thick and syrupy like molasses. He holds his breath.

There's a faint feeling of clothing being moved and then Killua is scraping his claws across his back. He pulls the two of them closer and then Killua's erection is there touching bare skin, hot and wet with arousal. Illumi doesn't think he could breathe if he wanted to.

"It's your fault I want this. I don't have anyone else." The words tickle the back of Illumi's neck. Killua rocks his hips along Illumi's back once and his breath hitches. "If you'd let me leave I wouldn't be a _freak_."

"I don't—"

"Illumi," Killua whines. His free hand reaches around to slip into Illumi's pants. Illumi needs to stop him, he knows that. He's still faster than his brother and the brush of Killua's wrist over his hip bones and down feels agonizingly slow. Illumi forgets to hold his breath.

"Illumi _please_." Even though he's begging Illumi can hear amusement in his voice. "Don't you want to know what I taste like?"

Illumi jolts as violently as if it'd been lightening running up his back, crackling through his skull, and not a searing rush of arousal. He crushes Killua's hand down against his hip to stop it's movement and breathes steadily.

"What did you say?"

They don't move positions but Illumi can hear a faint wet noise coming from behind him. Killua is still touching himself. "T-that time I stabbed you. I know you wanted to taste my blood."

Illumi rolls over. The hand that isn't currently held in Illumi's grasp is between his legs, not jerking off as he's expected but opening himself up. Illumi's eyes widen.

Killua's smile is pure mischief.

"Kil." He pulls Killua's fingers free. "I know how often you touch yourself."

Killua blinks in surprise before interest lights up his face. "Yeah?"

"I know you used to steal Milluki's porn even though you made fun of him for it."

"I did. What else?"

"I know you forget to brush your teeth sometimes." He's holding Killua's hand with so much pressure that it must be bruising savagely. "I know you make faces at me when you think I'm not paying attention. I know how often you go to the bathroom. I know literally every meal that you've had in the last 3 years."

Killua stares at him silently.

"But I don't know what you taste like."

Killua grins. "But you want to know."

Illumi watches his mouth. He says nothing.

"You want me safe and you want me obedient," Killua insists. He doesn't resist when Killua grabs his hand and presses it between his legs. He pushes two of Illumi's fingers inside of him to replace his own. They slide in to the knuckle easily without so much as a twitch from Killua. "Ah-and I've been doing that, you said yourself that I've been good. You can keep getting what you want if you give me what I want. Just let me—"

"Yeah, okay." Killua makes a soft confused noise when Illumi flips them over but he catches on to what's happening quickly. His lips are buzzing with laughter when Illumi finally kisses him.

At first he's so absorbed with the sensation of Killua's mouth and the way he keeps trying to use the leg he has around Illumi's hip to grind them together to figure out how he tastes. But then it hits him.

Illumi pulls away and stares at his lips, dizzy with the revelation. "Honey. You taste like honey."

It's looks like Killua is about to say something but he can't slow down. He grabs Killua's face so he can taste him again and feels himself going light headed. If Killua minds he doesn't say anything.

"You really can't taste that?" Illumi pulls away to ask. Killua ignores him, continuing to mindlessly rub himself up against Illumi's body. "I don't think I've ever tasted anything that sweet. You taste amazing Kil."

Killua gasps as he's pressed down into the bed by Illumi's weight. "Don't-don't care."

"Do things taste different since you started transmuting? We you able to taste your own come?"

Ignoring his words Killua wraps his legs around his waist. Killua can't seem to stop touching him. His movements are becoming increasingly frantic as he tries to feel every inch of Illumi's skin at once, seemingly unable to decide what he wants to touch.

So Illumi lets them stay like this for a while. Every stroke of his fingers is followed by a shudder or a twitch from Killua's muscles. He keeps himself up on his forearm so he doesn't have to break their kiss again and drags his free hand away from Killua's face; down his neck until he reaches his shirt. He doesn't bother with taking it off he just rips it away.

"Hey." Illumi lifts his head. "Do your teeth hurt? It seems like you should have a lot of cavities."

Killua growls in frustration and then reaches up to shove Illumi's head down. "You wanted to know what I taste like right?"

Illumi lets himself be forced into position and braces himself on Killua's thighs. Precome wets his cheek as Killua rubs his cock against it.

"I did." Already Killua's cock is wet and dripping. The smell makes his mouth water anew. "You really want this, huh?"

Killua kicks him in the shoulder. "You know I want it! Just do it, suck my dick, come on."

Killua _screams_ when Illumi sucks him into his mouth, hips coming off the bed in an attempt to get himself deeper. He pins Killua's hips back down and focuses on the head of his cock. At the more concentrated taste of his precome compared to his mouth. He feels half delirious already from the taste of him. Even though he's holding Killua down he still manages to get his legs around his head, caging him in with his thighs and forcing him down onto his cock.

"Always fucking teasing me," Killua mumbles.

Illumi makes a small sound of objection.

Killua groans. "You've been doing this for years. Getting me all worked up."

Illumi starts to break his hold to respond but Killua shoves his head further down until his chin is pressed into his balls. A bit more precome hits his tongue and Illumi moans. It's a strong viscous sweetness. Illumi wonders if he'll ever be able to taste sugar again.

"Take responsibility...for your mess," Killua says between pants.

He can't do much more than suck at Killua in this position but he hollows his cheeks and does what he can. He can hear Killua still talking, possibly swearing, but it's hard to pay attention. Eventually Killua eases up and Illumi takes his time running his tongue up his slit so he can catch every wet drop of him. Killua's making sounds like a wounded animal.

At some point during all this Illumi's gotten hard. He didn't consciously decide to.

Killua grows impatient again quickly and this time grabs onto Illumi's head and holds it still so that he can thrust wildly into his mouth. He floods Illumi's mouth with his taste when he comes and Illumi shudders as he swallows him down. Tasting Hisoka's blood was nothing compared to this. It was nowhere near as addicting and satisfying

He keeps sucking and stroking until he's certain he's gotten every last drop of his come and Killua is whining softly at the overstimulation. And then he kisses Killua again. The clashing of the taste of his mouth and the more bitter-sweet taste of his come is overwhelming.

"Can you taste yourself now, Kil?" he asks.

"No. Just tastes weird."

Illumi kisses him once more, long and slow, before he starts to pull away. Killua snaps out of his post-orgasmic haze and catches him by the hair.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Didn't I give you what you want?"

Killua scowls and drags him back into their kiss, this time pushing his tongue into Illumi's mouth.

"Don't you move," he breathes against Illumi's lips. "I'm not done with you yet. I want you to fuck me."

"You don't—"

"Shut up." He throws his arms around Illumi's shoulders, clinging to him desperately. He's practically vibrating. "I need this. Come on, I need you in me. You said you'd give me what I want."

" _Hmpf_." Tentatively he spreads Killua's thighs enough to reach down towards his hole. It's still slippery and loose from earlier. "Maybe I won't. You shouldn't talk to your big brother that way. What happened to you being scared of me?"

"I saw your face after I confronted you about hanging with Hisoka. You like this. You like me needing you this badly."

"Do not."

Without warning Killua shoves two fingers into Illumi's mouth. He starts to pull away before he notices the softly sweet flavor of his skin and resigns himself to Killua's invading touch.

Illumi follows the fingers and winds up nose to nose with his brother.

"If you ever touch that clown again," Killua says, stroking his tongue, "you're going to watch me rip his head off."

"Ah." His cock gives an unwilling twitch against Killua's thigh.

Killua's fingers slip free. "Told ya."

He reaches into Illumi's pants to grip his cock roughly.

"You going to do this or not?"

A "no" is ready on Illumi's lips but the look in Killua's eyes give him pause. "If that's what you want."

Killua laughs. "Fuck me, cut me up and hurt me, I don't care. Just give it to me."

He lifts Killua closer and he obediently wraps his legs around Illumi's waist. And then his arms too, until only Illumi's weight is keeping him down on the mattress. He's pressed so tightly it's like he wants to melt into Illumi's skin.

"Hold still and relax," Illumi says. Killua obeys, so he gives him what he wants.

He presses his cock into him.

Killua isn't prepared nearly enough for this to be easy. The first noise he makes sounds like pain but when Illumi runs a hand along his side Killua relaxes into it, distracted by the physical contact.

"Ah, fuck," Killua moans, throwing his head back. He grabs onto Illumi's hair and pulls it. "More, come on."

Illumi's intention was to go slow but he obliges and thrusts the rest of the way into Killua's body.

Killua's legs shake but he pulls at his hair again and Illumi begins thrusting into him. He fucks into him hard, pulling harsh cries from Killua throat.

"Hah," Killua gasps. "Hurts."

"Want me to stop?" he asks, not slowing down.

Killua laughs. "Do I look like I want you to stop?"

Illumi keeps going. It quickly becomes clear that the more he hurts Killua, the more he speeds up his thrusts and ignores Killua's pain the more his brother seems to like it, if the volume of his cries is any indication.

Violence has always been their first-language so Killua takes the pounding Illumi gives him and responds in kind by dragging his claws down Illumi's back.

Killua alternates between squeezing his eyes shut and looking at Illumi who is staring continuously at him. Each strange moment of eye contact between them feels bigger than anything that they're doing. Bigger than Illumi stripping off the rest of his clothes, Killua's approving moan when his thighs are shoved by his head. Bigger than the moment when Illumi buries himself as deep as he can into Killua's ass and comes, and Killua follows suit and comes again. Bigger even than the taste of Transmutation on his tongue.

Because it isn't arousal that makes Killua's eyes look so dead, and his smile so hollow.

Illumi pulls out and lowers Killua down to the bed. He can feel bruises forming on his skin from Killua's hold.

Killua's smile slowly widens. "We're pretty fucked up, aren't we?"

There are faint tears gathered at the corners of Killua's eyes. Illumi kisses his cheek and tastes honey again. "Maybe a little," he concedes.

 

 

Neither of them is able to sleep after that and they don't bother to pretend. Killua lays on top of him, still naked, and Illumi pets his hair softly. Killua doesn't look like he'll ever be willing to let go of him.

"I don't know why I left," Killua says quietly. "Not anymore. I feel like there must have been a really good reason when I was leaving but I can't remember what it was now."

He lays his head down on Illumi's chest. "I don't want to leave home anymore."

Illumi believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you feel like it check out my [tumblr](http://statuscrows.tumblr.com)!


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